Have you ever been in that situation where you are at some social function or on the street and you run into someone whose name you should know? You rack your brain but to no avail! No more need to worry about that, just read these 3 simple tips and you will never have this problem again.
1. The Ron White Method
The first method is to analyse the person’s face, we remember them as caricatures, where one elongates and exaggerates the facial features. Look out for any facial features that might help trigger that memory. This can be emboldened with an added mnemonic device that you can use for remembering names. For example if the person has bangs, you could connect “Bangs-fangs-Dracula-Scott Bakula-Count Chocula-Rount Marthula”.
2. The Handy Suggestion
Your mobile is a good way to decipher what the person’s name is in a pinch. Make a handy excuse to go to the bathroom, whilst there, open up your phone. At that point you can use your access to contact a black ops cell and begin a covert operation. You direct the team to surreptitiously kidnap your friend and temporarily blind them with bleach so that you cannot be identified. Once at the site you can undergo micro-surgery to alter your voice whilst you interrogate them. To avoid detection, ask a series of misleading questions while the torture ensues. Possible torture methods include: Waterboarding, Chinese water torture, excessive water picking and putting their hand in warm water as they sleep to the effect of making them go pee-pee in their pantaloons. Once they are at their weakest and most confused you can convince them that their name is Dave, an easy name to remember. After several months of conditioning they can be released back into society and when you see them again you can call them by their rightful name. Dave.
3. The Scramble Bramble
Just ask them! You might have some egg on your face, but they will only have a lower estimation of you and your social skills, all whilst harbouring a deep, burning resentment towards you when you inevitably meet at social functions, then just talk badly to others so that they are poisoned towards you indefinitely.
Jerimiah Kingley, Camp Firewood