(Lost Porn Parody Synopsis) Blade Humper: 2069

blade-humper

Many porn parody synopses have surfaced from legendary producer/writer of 80s pornographic films, Sir Jack Salot. His estate has posthumously discovered an archive of premises which were never produced and thought to have been lost to the ages.

BLADE HUMPER 2069

Early in the 21’st Century, THE VAGINELL CORPORATION advanced sex-robot evolution into the SEXUS phase known as a Replicunt.

In downtown Los Angeles ex-Blade Humper Hank Dickhard is summoned by his former boss Blowyant. After a shot of whiskey and an enthusiastic blowjob Dickhard is convinced to hunt down the rogue Sexus-6 models.

After a thorough banging and interrogation of a snake saleswoman in the merchant district, Dickhard is led to Whora, a Sin-job working in one of the strip clubs downtown.

They make love against a glass window, his eventual ejaculation shooting her through it as they both climax. She is unharmed but left spent.

Meanwhile, Hungter Boner a rugged, blond, Sexus-6 model knocks boots with a sexy elderly Chinese lady who makes balls, wearing a huge heat suit. As a show of gratitude she tells him that he should go see Jennifer Sebangstian if he wishes to meet Vaginell. The Sexus-6 models only have a 4 year libido life span and they seek to prolong their horniness.

A sexy bombshell, Ray Bombshell comes to Frank Dickhard’s appartment and he performs the Hoight-Cumf test on her, a mechanical love device. He verifies that she is indeed one of Vaginell’s Replicunts.

In an abandoned building Hungter, Kiss (a pleasure bot in Kiss makeup) and Jennifer Sebangstian have a threesome while various mechanical toys watch.

Jennifer and Hungter go to see Vaginell who tells them that they made them so the best they could, at doing the nasty. So they do it.

Dickhard finds the abandoned building and Kiss sits on his face and he performs cunnilingus until she has a spasming orgasm.

Hungter finds them together and in a jealous fit chases Dickhard through the building, howling as he runs. They reach the roof, lock eyes and start making out in the rain. Hungter eventually ejaculates onto Dickhard’s face saying “Cum like rain, cum like rain.” This is his last masturbatory event before his boner life force fades forever. A dove flies off into the sky, is this his penis’ soul ascending to heaven?

New and reborn, Dickhard realises that, while it was an interesting experimentation, he indeed loves Ray Bombshell. He goes back to his apartment where she is, they change clothes and hairstyles and go on the run.

 

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